Nicole Laurent

There are a few unknown perks to not being a ‘big time’ published author. Deadlines are chosen by me and can be extended with the snap of a finger. I don’t have to get approval on my synopsis before writing. I get to pick/design my own book covers. I get to keep the book title I love.

But the best perk? 

I can be a smart-ass. My agent or publisher can’t come down on me for doing so (although future agents or publishers might give me wide berth after this.) I can do (imaginary) interviews for a trade magazines and I don’t have to be politically correct! Now, were I to actually be interviewed for a trade magazine, I’d totally behave myself. I swear. I’d be a total Girl Scout and make my publisher proud. And I’d give well thought out, honest, and hopefully interesting answers. But since that’s NOT the case, I decided to ‘borrow’ a few paraphrased questions from someone else’s interview and answer them myself … in a more amusing way.

• How did you come to the realization that writing romance was where you should be?

 

I still haven’t come to that ‘realization’. Some days I’m pretty sure I should just stick to vacuuming and cleaning toilets. I have come to the realization that I want a hot, Cuban pool boy, though. Doesn’t matter that we don’t have a pool.

• How did you learn your craft? Were there false starts and rejections along the way?

 

Along the way? I have false starts coming out of my ass! I want to throw my laptop out the window daily. And my entire first floor is wallpapered in rejections. I like to walk through the rooms and hold up my two middle fingers, blowing raspberries as I pass through.

• Category romance has certain limits—length, plots, point of view, etc. Was it a stretch to move into longer formats that had room for deeper back-story and other points of view?

 

You’re asking me if it was a stretch not to have to CONFORM to category’s obnoxious guidelines that they say do not exist? Are you high? Next question.

• It’s not unusual for an author to dislike a book cover. Do you have some cover input with certain titles?

 

Cover input? LOLOLOLOLOL! The only authors who have true cover input are the self-published ones and Nora Roberts. The rest of the poor saps get book cover Russian roulette. And just like Russian roulette, when the results are bad… they’re BAD! Clean up on aisle six bad.

• In writing romantic suspense, how does an author keep the balance between the romance and the mystery/suspense part?

 

Uhn! I don’t know! I thought I wrote an amazingly well balanced romance/suspense with a smart suspense plot… but was told my suspense plot was too much of a focus. But you knew that before asking me this. You’re just being mean! Sob!

• First person isn’t typical for the romance genre. Doesn’t first person put limits on an author’s ability to put the reader in the romances?

 

No, not if the author knows what she’s doing.  But I’m guessing you’re not a writer …or you wouldn’t be asking this question. Next!

• You’re a rude little thing, aren’t you?

 

Is that a serious interview question?

 

• Have you given me a serious answer yet?

 

Maybe? Okay, no. But you’re just an imaginary interviewer, so unless this interview comes out next month in Imaginary Books Weekly, I think we’re cool.

• Good to know. Let’s talk about your writing process. How much do you plan ahead of time? What’s your work routine like?

 

No comment on the grounds that no one really needs to know what a sloth I am. I’ve finished every book I’ve ever started. That’s all you need to know. Want a cookie?

• No, thank you. But you look like you could use a napkin. And a hand-vacuum. Now … do you ever experience writers block? And if so, how do you jump-start the creative process?

 

I don’t. I eat cookies. Duh! And contemplate my navel. And watch Erin/Maks videos. And eat cookies. 

• How does a writer research for her novel? For instance, say you were to write a baseball romance. It could take years to understand the intricacies of baseball. How would you go about researching baseball before you started your novel?

 

Years? Intricacies? Okay, granted it’s not ping-pong. But it’s not exactly splitting the atom. Helloooo? I use the Internet. Jesus. Is this the best you can do? 

• What sort of promo do you do? What can an author do when she doesn’t have super-publisher support for her book?

 

(Chokes on large chocolate chip) Super Publisher Support? I’m sorry, are you speaking English? I bribe and cajole my little tribe of loyal followers, whom I love. Then I attempt to keep them amused with my blog in between books. This is my super-secret formula. Shhhh.

• What’s next for you?

 

I’m going to eat another cookie. I might actually get dressed today. Then I’m going to interview smokin’ hot men for the position of pool-boy. Even though we have no pool.

Author’s Note: Do you have any burning questions you’d like to see this author answer in a cheeky way? Let me know—they might be included in a future blog!